


Torrent

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comfort, Fluff, Light Angst, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Sleepiness, Sweet Park Chanyeol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 07:36:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13542735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which Baekhyun needs someone to hold him and Park Chanyeol's bed seems a little too empty for his liking.





	Torrent

Rain hammered relentlessly onto the delicate panes of glass that separated the inside from the outside; the drops trickled down freely and without a direct path, gliding effortlessly over the smooth surface of the pressed sand material. The cheap polystyrene curtains where slightly parted to reveal the masterpiece that most took for granted, a show that was prepared by the clouds above for the seemingly undeserving humans below.

Hours had ticked by since it had started raining, and in all that time, all Baekhyun could do was watch, awe seemingly painted over his innocent baby-faced features as if he had never seen the magnificence of rain before.

It was ungrateful and unappreciative of people to ignore such beauty, or at least Baekhyun thought so. Rain had always been his favourite. It held a certain amount of discreet beauty to it that not many people noticed. The way each individual drop fell and landed in the spot it was destined to, only to be evaporated and dropped somewhere else the clouds decided was right. It felt kind of like destiny, could it even be a metaphor for reincarnation?

But then again, maybe it was just a bit of water, he had never been able to make up his mind.

His thick biceps and finger-like toes peeked out of the familiarly smooth duvet, catching the cold in the room and giving him a small yet snide reminder that they were all still in the thick of winter. The chill in the air was making him cold and not just on his toes and arms, it seemed to be spreading under the thin duvet cover.

Above him, hanging lifelessly from the wooden bedpost, was a soft wool sweater that seemed to be his favourite at the moment; Chanyeol had given it to him as a gift on his belated birthday no less than two months ago. He made no attempt to move towards it and slip himself into the familiar material, he instead focused his direction to the rain again, not the slightest bit worried about feeling the chill on his body.

Sehun, Baekhyun’s older roommate, was breathing deeply in the bed just across the room from him, seemingly dead to the world. He was a second thought, and Baekhyun did not see the point in trying to wake him to discuss what was on his mind. Even executing the task of trying to arouse him from sleep was too much, the effort of waking him up would be enough for Baekhyun to fall straight back to slumber again.

Truth be told, sometimes Baekhyun felt locked in his own mind. He was quiet most of the time, he did not speak too much in interviews and remained rather soundless around the dorm too, unless he was feeling especially happy; which, was few and far between at that present moment for the young boy.

Because he was so quiet, it meant he was usually thinking and overthinking things. Mostly he succumbed to the thoughts that he told himself weren’t true, he convinced himself that lies were reality and that he, in turn, was becoming his own worst enemy.

Sadly, that part was true.

He turned back to the rain outside.

He had deep thoughts about water, about how poetic it was for water to be able to just dissolve away without a trace, and how he sometimes wished the same fate for himself.

It wasn’t that he was depressed as such, that was not the case. He couldn’t have been more privileged in life, he had everything he had ever wanted; depression didn’t even seem like a possibility. It was more like the fear of not being good enough, the deep resent of a moment when something that Baekhyun wasn’t good enough at or didn’t have was required in order to please everyone. When a moment like that was going to come, Baekhyun wasn’t sure how he was going to cope.

Before it got too much, he closed that window of his mind off for mental discussion.

He just focused on the rain.

He lay there motionless, seeing no reason to move at that present moment. Although his senses were fighting against him; his toes and feet were still cold, that was evident. He couldn’t think his way out of an illness such as hypothermia, maybe he should find a heat source. This duvet clearly didn’t accommodate his limbs anymore than it used to, it had always proved inadequate for his body shape ever since he was a trainee. He was usually too tired to notice his feet poked out the end awkwardly, but he had recently become aware of unusually cold toes in the early morning hours.

He took one last fleeting glance at the rain, seemingly draining it in until the next time he could see the calming droplets.

Pushing the measly cover aside, he began walking light-footed in the direction of the door, on a mission to get some sleep.

Baekhyun cringed, his whole body unnecessarily tense as he pushed open the bedroom door in front of him. It was not his bedroom door however, it was the shared bedroom of someone who gives him maximum comfort at the best of times, a familiar black haired boy who was not only fond of the other, he also felt an urge to protect him from any threat.

The door, making a bold statement that Baekhyun had arrived in the room by squeaking loudly on its hinges, gently tapped against something solid on the other side of the door. Junmyeon must have left his shoes scattered around the room again, which didn’t come as much of a surprise as it once had done. The whole dorm was a mess, but Chanyeol and Junmyeon’s room especially. They were prone to having spontaneous pillow fights that ended up more dangerous than they first started; sometimes shoes were thrown instead of pillows, which explained why the room was ransacked when Baekhyun entered.

If he didn’t know any better, he would assume the place had been broken into. Clothes and shoes were scattered around the room with a sense of carelessness and inexplicable organisational problems. Kyungsoo would have had a nervous breakdown had he been the one to stumble into this mess.

Baekhyun was glad that Sehun had cleaned their room only days before, otherwise their dorm room would have been in a similar state of tragedy.

Tired eyes trying to rake their way through the mess, Baekhyun squinted into the darkness without the aid of a light source. Subconsciously knowing that his eyesight would suffer from straining to see, but not finding it in him to care at that precise moment.

On one side of the room, the other knew that Junmyeon was bundled in his covers, pulled up to his nostrils with his feet wrapping in and around the bottom of the duvet, snugly concealed in the queen sized quilt he had ended up buying after his previous quilt could not accommodate the length of his legs. The idea of such a tall man curled up in such a small quilt still brought the faintest ghost of a smile to Baekhyun’s lips, Junmyeon’s childlike tendencies never failed to bring him joy.

Squinting further, Baekhyun saw a smaller shape tucked neatly into undisturbed covers, the duvet laying on his rising and falling body like it had just been placed there. From what Baekhyun could make out from the faint light pollution from Seoul’s city streets pouring through the slight crack in the curtains, there was a fan of beautifully smooth black hair spread out over the pale colour of the bedclothes, the contrast so striking and stark it took a moment for Baekhyun’s eyes to adjust.

Advancing into the unknown territory, Baekhyun precariously made his way around various items of clothing, jewellery and abandoned shoes, hoping his bare feet did not come into contact with the various minefield of miscellaneous items.

He reached the bed of the black haired male, the tips of his freezing toes just brushing against the soft material of the quilt where it had slipped off the bed ever so slightly and was grazing the carpet and half a pair of discarded flip flops.

He took a deep breath, the noise echoing in the deathly silent room.

“Chanyeol…?” He hissed, trying to keep as quiet as possible due to Junmyeon being an extremely light sleeper. Chanyeol on the other hand was not and slept deeper than the pacific ocean.

Gingerly, he reached out an unusually shaky hand. He slowed his pace as he caught up to Chanyeol’s sleeping form, his fingers twitching with uncertainty as they hovered above a rising and falling shoulder. The warmth that was radiating off of Chanyeol’s skin was enough to knock Baekhyun’s decisions into gear, the warmth and presence of Chanyeol enough to grant him security in this moment of mental unrest.

He was beginning to think the rain was making him upset. Maybe it wasn’t so beautiful after all.

“Chanyeol?” He tried again, his chilled fingertips now coming into contact with heated skin. The skin he touched goose pimpled, the hairs standing to an abrupt and erect height. The shape under the blanket moved.

The black haired male turned over to face Baekhyun, his eyes not yet open and he was instead scrubbing at his sockets in an attempt to remove the residue that his waterline had left.

“Is it time to get up now, Junmyeon?” His voice was thick with sleep, a husky almost rustic tone that caused Baekhyun’s nerves to spark with pulses.

“No… it’s me.”

Chanyeol squinted into the darkness at the boy in front of his bed, propping himself up on one elbow as soon as he saw his friend seeming lost in the big room. Chanyeol, even though he would never admit it to Baekhyun, loved watching Baek looking so young and innocent.

“Are you okay?” Typical caring Chanyeol, always wanting to know about someone else rather than talk about himself.

Baekhyun avoided the question and looked away even though Chanyeol couldn’t really see his eyes directly due to the surrounding darkness.

“Would it be okay if I- erm…” He stammered uselessly, not knowing how to get the words out without sounding needy. Chanyeol did not push him for the sentence, but instead waited patiently for his friend to spit out the words he most desperately wanted to say at 2 o’clock in the morning.

Baekhyun breathed deeply again, almost for moral support this time.

“Can I stay with you?”

Chanyeol’s eyes widened and his cheeks involuntarily flushed, he silently thanked God that Baekhyun couldn’t see him right now. He didn’t realise he hadn’t responded until Baekhyun awkwardly shuffled from foot to foot, shifting his weight and uncertainty from side to side.

His voice was barely above a whisper, but extremely gentle and feather soft, a tone he did not use often and saved exclusively for Baekhyun. “Sure.”

Chanyeol peeled back the edge of the quilt, feeling a rush of cold air fill the now unoccupied space.

Baekhyun climbed in, shuffling under and pressing his head to the pillow with another sigh, feeling a wave of relief and comfort washing over him. Just being close to Chanyeol like this made him feel so much more at ease, every single negative thought he had been having was now abandoned and discarded in the further corners of his mind.

“Yeol?”

Baekhyun didn’t realise how close they were in the bed together until Chanyeol replied, his reply rumbling through his chest and vibrating against Baekhyun’s, the breath from his lungs softly sweeping over the other’s bottom lip and soothing his overactive senses.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry I woke you.”

“I don’t mind, Baek.”

Even though his body was itching with every fibre of his being to get closer to Chanyeol, Baekhyun resisted. Both of them knew this was already a rare occurrence for the other to need reassurance and comfort from anyone, let alone in the middle of the night when he must have been the only person awake.

Chanyeol felt concern bite around the frayed edges of his consciousness as he fought tooth and nail against slumber. Why did Baekhyun come to him first? Why now? Why so late?

“Baek?”

The weight on the pillow intensified, making the material dip. The younger boy was falling asleep too.

“Hmm.”

“Are you okay?”

There was a pause, not incredibly long but just long enough for Chanyeol to be sure that Baekhyun needed time for in order to properly answer that question. The younger wasn’t sure himself, and even though it sounded ridiculous, Chanyeol didn’t mind one bit.

If Baekhyun needed unconditional comfort then what else could Chanyeol give him?

“Shh…” A forced happiness tinged the vertices of his smile, Chanyeol would have been the only person in the world who would have noticed it, even from this distance. “Just let me sleep, we have practice tomorrow.”

Chanyeol longed to reach out and pull his troubled other closer, to feel the beating of his heart just above the place where his own sat but he couldn’t bring himself to make that step.

They both fell into sleep, only inches apart from each other, just listening to the rain outside.

-

It had been raining since Tuesday, a fact which everyone seemed to be talking about. What better small talk than moaning about the way the clouds worked? Chanyeol didn’t particularly get the whole point of talking about the weather and only really engaged to be polite, not particularly caring whether it was supposed to chuck it down till Friday a week from now or whether the never ending drizzle was scheduled to cease tomorrow.

What he had been thinking about was rain itself; not when it was supposed to end but what it looked like in the moment.

It had been raining that night, Chanyeol hadn’t forgotten that. He doubted he’d ever forget that.

Since then, the rain which had been mostly a bother to him had suddenly become a thing of beauty. It held a memory for him which he already cherished more than he should, but he felt no shame in repeating the thoughts through his mind of the night the two had shared curled up in that single bed, guarded from the rain by only thin walls and a quilt.

Baekhyun was like the rain. He had so many cherished qualities that made him undeniably beautiful and breathtaking, Chanyeol didn’t understand how other people didn’t see them. He saw each and every quality, and sometimes he wished that Baekhyun saw each and every one too.

Rain had become this metaphorical symbol for Chanyeol in just a matter of days, considering the rain had not stopped and the sound of rain made him feel instantly sleepy, it didn’t help that he was being followed by the sound everywhere he went. In comeback season, this was not healthy; too much sleep could lead to overtiredness and lack of concentration and that was not what he needed right now.

Damn Baekhyun and his stupid rain, could he not have picked some other kind of weather that didn’t happen in Autumn? Perhaps snow. Chanyeol just wished summer would hurry up and present something other than weeks on end of drizzle and the pitter-pattering of rain on slate tiles.

As Chanyeol stood in the shower that night, debating the thoughts of rain and sleepiness, he realised that even in the shower he couldn’t escape the noises. The opaque window in the bathroom glistened with the forever shifting shapes and streams of water droplets hitting the sand pressed material.

Sighing, Chanyeol looked the other way and attempted to hum a favourite song of his in order to drown out the sound, maybe then the ridiculously pretentious thoughts of rain might be washed away.

The steam billowed out into the room, condensing on the windows and wooden surfaces. He emerged through the mist, a towel around his neck and dressed only in a loose fitting shirt and a pair of comfortable Calvin Klein’s.

His hair stuck to his head in strands as though he had been sweating, and for the most part of his day, he had been. Dance practice had over run and he had ended up taking a much needed shower at the best part of 12am, again. That was the 3rd time this week; comeback season was really starting to take it out of him.

His slim fingers found their way to the moist black locks on top of his head, each slim digit scooping up damp strands of hair and pushing them further back so his usually concealed forehead was momentarily exposed. Water glistened on his exposed brow, the slight wrinkles on his forehead scrunching up as his eyebrows furrowed into a thin line. He was in confusion.

There was someone in his bed.

The shape under the blanket could have been anyone, and the lack of light in the room also meant that a face was not distinguishable. Judging by how heavily the person was breathing, they had already fallen asleep while Chanyeol had been in the shower freshening up; it was because of this that Chanyeol felt sheepish to pull the blanket back and get a better look at who had crawled into his bed.

The lump under the thick duvet shifted as if its body had become stiff in its current position. Chanyeol watched silently, his front teeth grazing over his bottom lip and nipping at a cutaway of loose skin. He winced at the silence in the room, so silent that he could hear the dramatic inhale and exhale of the shape under the covers.

Chanyeol couldn’t quite decide if it was a positive thing or a negative thing that he knew just from the way the person respirated under the quilt exactly who had crawled into his bed. It might also have also been the weather that spurred on his decision of who might be asleep under his fresh linen.

He gingerly stepped around the bed to a side which was not vacated by the shape, baring in mind that the person had dominated most of the single bed on the far side of the wall. Peeling back the covers as if he were peeling an orange, he dipped himself beneath the warmth that had been waiting for him and pressed back gingerly into the mattress, wary of waking this person up.

The person must have only been dozing off because as Chanyeol leaned back against the covers, the shape shifted and eyes began to open, a groggy groan emanating from the back of the person’s throat. The noise made the quilt slightly vibrate.

“Yeol?”

The boy was lying there, the covers encasing him like a pastry. His usually neat and parted hair was now eskiw with the colour looking slightly darker due to the darkness in the room, it looked stark and in contrast with the vivid bright white of the bed linen, something Chanyeol noticed almost instantaneously.

Shuffling so he was now comfortable, Chanyeol melted against the springs of the mattress and was enveloped in the warmth the person gave off, Chanyeol being drawn further to the source of heat involuntarily moved closer and closer again, only stopping as his chest came into contact with the warmth of the boy’s back.

“Baek…”

Chanyeol sighed, seemingly content with everything in that moment.

Baekhyun couldn’t help but sigh as well.

He turned in the small narrow bed so that the two were now facing each other, their noses not even centimeters apart. “Can I stay?” The other whispered, his voice smoother than silk and laced with sleep. Just listening to the tone made Chanyeol’s eyes feel increasingly droopy.

Chanyeol did not reply right away, but instead reached out his fingertips blindly under the quilt, not stopping until they came into contact with Baekhyun’s own digits. He effortlessly laced them together and locked their hands in an embrace. His other’s palm was warm and soft whereas Chanyeol’s slightly cooler and marginally damp from the shower.

“Sure.”

Chanyeol took a deep breath, savouring the scent of Baekhyun and how sweeter it seemed in the early hours of the morning. He couldn’t help but love the smell that stuck to his other’s clothes, his skin, his possessions and his presence. It smelt of burnt toast and honey, apricots and thick hot chocolate. Whatever the combination was, Chanyeol wanted some of it in a bottle.

“Is it something to do with the rain?” Chanyeol whispered ever so lightly, not wanting to disturb Baekhyun’s hazy mind.

Baekhyun tensed slightly, so slightly that if Chanyeol had not been holding his hand, he would not have noticed at all. The silence dragged on, so Chanyeol subconsciously shuffled closer, their arms now touching. He could feel Baek’s bicep tensed hard as if he were flexing.

“Baek?”

The muscles relaxed.

“I’m fine.”

His voice gave away otherwise. His tone quivered, his pitch small and quiet and not just because of the hour. Chanyeol’s heart gave a painful throb in his chest however he knew quite well if he pushed the matter Baekhyun may very well go back to his own room for the night, and although Chanyeol had not really given it some thought, he would do anything to keep his other here with him in attempts to comfort them both.

Baekhyun lay silent, his eyes refusing to close despite the hour. Chanyeol had fallen into slumber about an hour and a half ago, and in all that time Baekhyun had just been admiring how gorgeous his dongsaeng was even when he slept. It was effortless and it was to be envied by so many people, yet no one else could show such beauty even when trying.

Chanyeol’s eyelashes only just grazed the tops of his cheekbones despite him having incredibly long lashes for a man. They were thick and dark, framing his eyes well and giving the illusion that he was wearing mascara. Baekhyun loved it. He imagined Chanyeol’s long lashes sweeping over the skin of his own cheek as they lay side by side together, Chanyeol in his embrace exactly where he wanted to be, his lashes tickling the sensitive skin.

He wished for it then too. All he had to do was reach out and gently pull Chanyeol closer, he wouldn’t even wake him up. They had both been at dance practice all day after all and the toll of working tirelessly was starting to catch up with the older one, Baekhyun doubted he’d wake up if he shouted at the top of his lungs even from this distance.

He paused, taking a moment away from his thoughts.

Rain.

He could hear it outside.

As if on instinct, like he could read Baekhyun’s thoughts even through the bleakness of sleep, Chanyeol shuffled around in bed. He lazily rolled closer, their hands still entwined. It was almost creeped Baekhyun out to the point where he stared Chanyeol’s sleeping form down in an attempt for a sign of telekinesis powers his band member seemed to be possessing.

He found nothing, and was evidently distracted from the rain outside.

Despite his situation, he couldn’t help but smile.

The covers rose and fell as Chanyeol respirated, warm breath tickled at Baekhyun’s exposed neck, the enveloping feeling of Chanyeol’s familiar scent all around him, sticking to his clothes and body.

The best part of it all was the hands.

Their fingers fitted together almost perfectly, the calloused skin of Chanyeol’s palm clashing with the smooth skin of Baekhyun’s own.

He didn’t even register what he was doing until he was initiating it.

The other felt his body shift forward as if he were leaning, his head tilted to the side and he lightly closed his eyes. His blood was rushing through his veins, his head pounding with his nerves and blood pressure.

He was only about 3 centimeters away when he stopped short.

He opened his eyes.

Chanyeol’s breath was evenly fanning his face, his thick lips slightly parted and his relaxed features significantly puffier than before. He looked so carefree, all of his stresses and worries now dissipating. It made the other’s heart melt.

Baekhyun couldn’t do it.

He made no attempt to get closer, and instead stayed rooted to the spot he was in, his head pushed against the pillow, carelessly ruffling his hair up along one side, his lips slightly open too, his eyes now open but feeling droopier than before. He was gorgeous, so was Chanyeol.

“Yeol, I think that I…”

His voice trailed off at the end, he felt the weight of rest gradually build up on his shoulders.

There was nothing else he could bring himself to do but gently squeeze his dongsaeng’s hand as sleep engulfed him, finally taking him away.

He didn’t even give time to notice that Chanyeol squeezed back.

-

“Chanyeol, you can take a break now. I’ll work on Kyungsoo and Sehun.”

Chanyeol bowed politely to the camera workers, thanking them for their efforts on his photo shoot. He felt drained, almost exhausted. His eyes were so heavy-lidded he doubted no elements of photoshop could take away the tiredness from his face. In a way, the bow he directed towards the camera workers was almost a sign of good luck and good faith. They’d need it for when they came to edit the photo book later on in the year.

The studio, as pleasant as it was, really did become rather stuffy during the summer months when they usually shot promotional videos and did album photo shoots. He was almost thankful when their managers had announced they were moving forward the shooting for the yearly photo book and declared they were doing it in winter instead.

Chanyeol loved winter, it meant he could finally break out the collection of jumpers he had spare and already lined up in his closet. Jumpers that fitted loosely so that his long fingers only just poked out the sleeves.

Baekhyun always played with the loose threads on the sleeves of the woollen sweaters, pulling on them gently and winding them around his fingers. Chanyeol never had the heart to cut the fly away ends off because it gave Baekhyun an excuse to be near him.

Therefore all of Chanyeol’s winter clothes looked extremely worn and ragged due to the fact that Baekhyun couldn’t keep his hands still.

He always was a bit of a fidget.

Chanyeol smiled unwillingly.

He then cursed willingly.

He couldn’t place exactly why but he knew he had been feeling and acting different since this rain pattern had started. Chanyeol could have just passively blamed it on the weather changing so goddamn often, but he knew it actually had something to do with the brown haired guy with doe eyes that slept in his bed almost every night.

He hated himself even more for admitting that he wasn’t entirely against it either.

Over on the far side of the room, right next to the floor to ceiling window, Sehun and Kyungsoo were getting their last minute makeup checks before they went on to do their joint photoshoot. From what Chanyeol could make out, Sehun was falling asleep, he doubted Kyungsoo had noticed.

Chanyeol made his way over, not even realising he was gently tugging on the loose threads of his winter jumper.

“Did you just finish your shoot?” Kyungsoo asked as Chanyeol neared, his eyes closed lightly as one of the makeup girls carefully guided eyeliner onto his top lid.

“Yeah.” He wasn’t really in the mood for chatting.

Kyungsoo opened the eye with the eyeliner already applied, taking a side glance at his band member.

He passed Kyungsoo and moved so he was right up against the window, his hand steadying himself against the glass.

“‘You okay?” Kyungsoo asked, sounding rather tight-lipped.

Chanyeol could guess without even turning around that lip tint was being applied. “Yeah, I guess.”

He couldn’t take his eyes away from the window, the rain was beautiful. It brought out lights in between the fragments of darkness the sky had created, the dark backdrop allowed the room inside to become clearer in its reflection. More importantly, the dim clouds meant that Chanyeol could truly see himself in the mirror image on the glass.

He looked horrible.

Those photo editors really had their work cut out for them this time.

He heard Kyungsoo say behind him, “You don’t look okay.”

He didn’t feel okay, really.

“I’ve got a lot on my mind.” He mumbled vaguely, too aloof for even Kyungsoo to come to a conclusion.

Realising Chanyeol didn’t want to talk about it, Kyungsoo sighed and relaxed in his chair as someone came along to comb his hair again, just in case something had fallen out of place. It hadn’t.

He kept looking at the city below. How the rain affected all city life even if it was just for a couple of moments. The umbrella was required, the coat was required, appropriate footwear was needed, makeup was a waste of time, why did people straighten their hair when they knew the weather would be like this?

Even in the busy studio, Chanyeol could hear the rain’s calming sounds. The repetitive drip-drop of water as it ran into drains, puddles and wherever else it could collect.

He suddenly felt sleepy.

He yawned out of habit.

“Baekhyun.”

It came out louder than he intended, so much so that Kyungsoo turned inquisitively to look at him, one eyebrow slightly inclined.

“What about him?”

Chanyeol blushed a magnificent cherry red, turning away incredibly quickly so that his dongsaeng could not see his flushed cheeks. Kyungsoo saw anyway, almost giving the game away to what was on Chanyeol’s mind which he had mentioned previously.

“I… well…”

Kyungsoo smiled knowingly, almost like he had won the battle before it had started. “Whatever, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear anything.” His smug grin conveyed otherwise.

“Do you know where he is?” Chanyeol asked, covering his face with his hand and dishevelled sleeve out of embarrassment.

“No, I haven’t seen him for about an hour.” Kyungsoo replied. He added, “Your sleeves look gross, Chanyeol. Just cut them off. I’m sure someone on set has scissors-”

“No, it’s fine.”

Chanyeol blushed deeper, almost at a crimson red. He had spoken too quickly and he was acting weird. Kyungsoo didn’t pick up on it, he simply shrugged and said, “Whatever. Tell me if you find Baekhyun.”

Chanyeol had already started walking away, and quickly at that. “Will do.”

While stumbling around aimlessly for 20 minutes, he called Baekhyun three times with no answer. As a result, he started walking around the studio to find him. Chanyeol was sure Baekhyun hadn’t had his photoshoot yet so he must have still been in the building.

Not even realising he was doing it, Chanyeol started walking around looking for Baekhyun all for the reason that it was raining outside. Was the other that predictable that the weather could set his emotions? Was Chanyeol turning into this ‘see rain, get emotional’ freak? Or was it ‘See rain, look for the member that you’re supposed to have a platonic relationship with but instead end up thinking about pulling your winter sweaters to pieces and enjoying it’ kind of freak?

He decided he couldn’t be entirely sure.

Chanyeol checked the bathrooms, the dressing rooms and the food court (where he actually stumbled across Junmyeon and Jongdae attempting to eat one whole slice of cheesecake in one bite). Evidently, Baekhyun was in none of these places.

He turned right after he left the food court, managing to put the croissant he had received from Jongdae’s plate in his mouth successfully and not stumble over any of the electrical equipment that had been left discarded in the hall. Chanyeol headed in the direction of the elevators, enjoying the quick pastry he had nabbed from the buffet.

Chanyeol ran his hand along the wall, weirdly enjoying the feeling of the bumps, dips and edges that his fingertips brushed across. His hand ran along the wall surface, only really stopping when it pushed open an unlocked door by accident.

He stopped, a large bit of pastry hanging from the left corner of his mouth as he peered in.

There was no light inside but a small lamp lit in the corner behind the door, it’s bulb so dim Chanyeol didn’t really see the purpose of it as a light source at all. Swallowing down the last bit of croissant, he stumbled clumsily into the room, his eyes narrowing so he could see further.

There was a couch against the back wall, the only bit of furniture in there despite an armchair and a thin narrow table which the lamp was resting on.

There was someone on the couch.

The lamp gave off just enough light for Chanyeol to see it was Baekhyun lying on the couch, his knees curled up to his stomach and his hair spread out over the arm of the sofa in a dark chocolate fan.

“Baek?”

The boy’s head inclined slightly, his movements were slow and his eyes were barely open which gave away just how sleepy he was. Chanyeol’s own tiredness came crashing back on him in waves, he had to bend down and sit cross-legged opposite Baekhyun so that he didn’t start swaying while he was stood up.

Baekhyun unfolded himself slightly and stretched out an arm to reach Chanyeol’s cheek, his hand splaying over the warm soft skin while his thumb caressed Chanyeol’s prominent cheekbones. Baekhyun gradually frowned, his eyes still not fully open.

“Stop dieting.” His voice was deep and gravelly, just like it was whenever he woke up or he was drifting off to sleep.

Chanyeol leant into the addictive touch.

“But I got fat again.” Chanyeol whispered lightly, he was using the light and gentle voice he only used for Baekhyun when they were alone. Baekhyun thrived off of it, it made him feel special and needed.

Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrowed, his eyes still closed. “Did you hell, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol reached up his own palm, holding Baekhyun’s hand in place where it was against his flushed cheek.

The door must have closed behind Chanyeol because it was completely silent in the room, all Chanyeol could hear was Baekhyun’s relaxed breath, so even and steady.

“I did get fat.” Chanyeol mumbled, his own eyes closing now; he was enjoying the feeling of Baekhyun caressing his cheek with such a feather-soft touch. “You would know, you cuddle me and my fat a lot.”

It was quiet for a moment, Baekhyun thinking silently about what he should say next. For a moment Chanyeol thought he might have fallen back to sleep. He opened one eye to look at the younger. Baekhyun lay there, still curled up and his eyebrows still furrowed.

“My definition of fat and yours must be two very different things.” He mumbled, causing Chanyeol to crack a moony smile. “I could always feel your ribs against my arms. It worried me you weren’t eating enough.”

Baekhyun could feel Chanyeol’s smile through his palm which was still against his cheek, his thumb running lightly over the extreme boney nature of his dongsaeng’s cheekbones. He couldn’t help but smirk as well.

“Let me cuddle you now?” He asked after Chanyeol’s smile had faded.

Chanyeol felt no need for response as it was already lingering in the air between them. He hauled himself to his feet, his movements sluggish as he became even more tired and drowsy. He perched himself on the end of the couch, waiting for Baekhyun to give him instructions.

Alas, he didn’t need them. Baekhyun reached out for the edge of Chanyeol’s battered sweater, pulling him down sloppily, Baekhyun’s lanky arms threading around Chanyeol’s middle and pulling him into the younger’s warm chest so he was spooning him.

They both sighed heavily.

Chanyeol shifted his limbs so that their legs were entwined, bringing them even closer together.

“I’m sorry I keep coming into your room-” Baekhyun began his voice even lower than a whisper, his lips moving against the sensitive skin of Chanyeol’s neck.

“It’s okay.” Chanyeol replied softly. “I like you being there. That bed’s always felt too big for just me.”

He felt Baekhyun smile sleepily into the crook of his neck, the soft brush of his hair against Chanyeol’s cheek a constant reassurance that his Baek wasn’t going anywhere.

It was quiet for a moment while Chanyeol worked up the courage to ask something that had been bugging him.

“Why the rain?”

Baekhyun tightened his grip around the elder’s waist, pulling his warmth further in.

“It’s beautiful and graceful, it’s everything that I’m not.”

Chanyeol, despite falling in and out of consciousness, managed to turn his head to the side, his lips just touching the flushed skin of the other’s cheek.

“I wish you wouldn’t doubt yourself.”

Baekhyun didn’t respond, but simply gave Chanyeol’s sides a small squeeze. Chanyeol almost didn't notice that Baekhyun was playing with the cut away threads on his sleeves again.

In the dark room, disturbed by nothing, the both of them could have quite happily stayed there for hours. Possibly even days did the necessity of food and drink not have its drawbacks. Chanyeol provided Baekhyun with the warmth and Baekhyun provided Chanyeol with the sensitivity.

Baekhyun’s arms around Chanyeol’s waist, the feeling of his hot breath on his neck, the blissful feeling that seemed to be overcoming Chanyeol in that moment: it all seemed to confirm Chanyeol’s suspicions.

He was falling for Byun Baekhyun, and he was falling fast. Perhaps he was already there.

-

The sharp vertices of the kitchen counter dug uncomfortably deep into his waist, his body weight shifted to one side so his hip was pressed against the cool granite of the work surface. The kitchen was cool and the feeling of the tiles against the soles of his feet were almost a wake up call due to their vivid ice temperature, a wake up call was also the last thing he needed. Sleep seemed to be evading him, his mind was elsewhere, which didn’t come as much of a surprise.

It was raining again.

His mind was running circles.

There was a glass of water on the side of the draining board which had been freshly prepared by Baekhyun himself. Of course for sleeping, warm milk would have been much more effective, however warm milk would take too long and besides, he had vocal lessons tomorrow so the film of the back of his throat from the dairy would affect his singing ability. Water seemed like a safer option.

He took a profound sip, his mind trailing.

Baekhyun was sure Minseok was awake still, the glow of his elder’s laptop was etching at the darkness in the hallway, creeping in from under his and Kyungsoo’s bedroom door in the slight gap between the worn carpet and the door. He stayed up until ridiculous hours, Baekhyun did too sometimes.

On occasion Baekhyun even stayed up with Minseok if he was feeling up to it.

One or two times may have occurred where Baekhyun had unfortunately, and by no will of his own, fell asleep on Minseok’s bed. Minseok didn’t seem to mind, but every time he woke up in the morning, feeling slightly dazed by the unfamiliar surroundings, Baekhyun always felt a little bit shy around his hyung.

He took another sip.

Having endured the pain in his side for a solid 45 minutes without pulling away, the kitchen counter’s sharp edges seemed to have no effect on him and he had seemingly numbed to the pain. He’d feel the ache of it later however, he knew that much.

The window in the kitchen seemed to rattle slightly in its frame, creating a gentle and comforting creaking noise which half heartedly butchered the silence in the room. He was thankful, it seemed to be snapping him out of his pretentious and frankly over exaggerated thoughts rather pleasantly.

He glanced at the window, drawing back the curtain with the tip of his index and middle finger. Seoul seemed almost derelict tonight, which was a change. Usually the city was bustling with life, every nook and cranny of the suburban area telling it’s story to onlookers and listeners alike. Tonight, there was nothing but the rain. It almost set Baekhyun on edge.

The curtain fell back almost as if it possessed shape memory. Baekhyun turned again, his hip once again pressing into the sharp corner of the kitchen worktop. That pain was becoming more apparent now after he had leaned away momentarily.

He closed his eyes, one hand still firmly around the glass with it’s smooth edges. He hadn’t taken much notice before, but now he realised that his knuckles were white with the intense way he clutched the fragile cup.

Before he could really give himself time to think about it, Baekhyun released his hand, placing the now empty cup onto the draining board to be placed in the dishwasher tomorrow morning, or be washed by Kyungsoo if he was feeling up to it.

Just as he was on the edge of rising from the counter, Baekhyun was surprised to hear a thick, rusty voice from the doorway.

“Baekhyun?”

He spun around in surprise, almost knocking the glass to the floor in the process.

Chanyeol was stood in the doorway, wearing nothing but sweatpants. His hair was a mess and sticking up at odd angles, but still managing to look incredibly soft. He made no attempt to smooth his wild hair down, but instead raised his fists to rub the sleep out of the corners of his eyes roughly. A low groan came out of Chanyeol’s throat as he stretched his stomach out with his arms above his head.

Baekhyun tried not to stare, really, he did.

He coughed awkwardly to clear the tension Chanyeol’s abs had clearly presented.

“What are you doing up?”

Chanyeol leaned all too casually against the doorframe, his hip protruding out at an impossible ninety degree angle, yet he still managed to make it look comfortable.

“The rain woke me up. Why are you awake?-”

Chanyeol’s eyes widened slightly as he realised they were awake for the same reason. The rain, of course. He felt his cheeks heat up from the obvious answer to the question that floated between them.

“Oh.”

Baekhyun could only nod in response, his eyes cast downward to the pattern of tiles on the kitchen floor as though he had embarrassed himself.

Chanyeol edged close to him, his hands outstretched as though he wanted holding, his bottom lip poking out and pretending to quiver.

He took Baekhyun’s hands in his own, Baekhyun, almost subconsciously laced their fingers together, only realising what he had done afterwards and looking at his dongsaeng with wide eyes, just hoping Chanyeol didn’t feel uncomfortable with it. Actually, when Baekhyun did look up, he found a very shy and blushy dongsaeng.

Before Baekhyun could stop himself, the words were out there before he could take them back, and he instantly regretted them.

“Can I stay with you tonight?”

Chanyeol’s face faltered, as though he were having a moment of inner conflict. He sighed deeply, looking down at his hands as they fiddled idly with the waistband of his sweatpants. He untied the string that lined his hips and then tied it again, repeating this over and over again to give himself something to look at, anything to look at that wasn’t his beloved other.

“You know we can’t keep doing this.”

The younger’s heart instantly fell, already wishing the request was back in his throat, as though he could rewind time as quickly as it had progressed. Despite the noticeable size difference that Baekhyun had over Chanyeol, Baekhyun definitely felt smaller in that moment.

Chanyeol looked grim, his hair hanging limply in front of his face so his eyes were guarded from the broken boy in front of him. It was a short term line of defence against the tension in the air. Chanyeol hated himself for saying it, almost didn’t agree with the words that came flying from his parted lips. He bit his bottom lip, attempting to seal any other hurtful words inside.

Baekhyun didn’t know what to do next, so instead he stood there looking like a deer in headlights, his heart giving a dull and consistent thump in his ears. He felt a little colder than he had before. His t-shirt seemed too thin, his basketball shorts too short for the temperature in the room.

Chanyeol had been a constant for him, the only constant that knew every side of him.

Chanyeol itched the back of his neck, needing to do something with his body while not actually having an itch.

“It’s not that simple. The fans would go nuts, the media would blow it out of proportion. If people found out Baek, our career…”

What had changed so suddenly? The photoshoot the other day was almost like it meant nothing to him.

Baekhyun turned around abruptly so he was facing the sink and the window were head on, pins and needles rushing to his hip where it had been pressed uncomfortably against the kitchen counter. He could already feel how distant he was from the present just in those split seconds.

His eyes closed so as to block out everything. He couldn’t even hear the rain.

He thought Chanyeol understood.

“Yeah, sure. Whatever, forget I mentioned it.”

Baekhyun wanted to scream that it was just comfort, friends did it all the time, why did this have to be different?

He knew all too well why. He liked Chanyeol much more than just someone to comfort him. He needed him, had almost kissed him while he had been asleep the other night, had been on the edge of confession.

The younger was closed off almost instantly. It was not uncommon for Baekhyun to conceal what he felt, he was a very silent person when it came to emotion, for him to have entrusted Chanyeol with his deepest secret took guts. The secrets that he needed comforting, that he wasn’t invincible, that he wasn’t as ‘golden’ as people thought he was. He would never admit it, but he was vulnerable.

Chanyeol was looking at him, Baekhyun could feel it without turning around. Those beautiful eyes were burning into his back. Was Chanyeol regretting what he had said? It didn’t matter to Baekhyun now, the words were out there and they could not be taken back.

Of all the people in the world, Baekhyun wanted Chanyeol to understand how he felt most of all. How stupid of him to think anyone would have understood him. He was different from the others, he always had been.

Baekhyun heard padding footsteps, but only just. His mind was spacing out, his chest was tight. He couldn’t focus on anything for more than a split second. He didn’t like it at all.

Was he breathing? He didn’t think so.

It was silent for a moment, the feeling of someone standing behind him growing evident with every passing second.

He just wanted something to hang onto to steady himself, he just needed support, a little bit of comfort. His hands were gripping the side board of the sink but it made no difference. It wasn’t warm, it wasn’t soft, it wasn’t Chanyeol.

To make sure he was breathing, he started taking deep breaths, his breath fanning against the window in front of him, slightly fogging up the glass.

For a moment there was just more silence, so quiet like there had never been anything but.

Baekhyun didn’t expect the hands around his waist.

He didn’t expect the forehead pressed against his shoulder.

He didn’t expect this kind of pain.

For a brief and blissful moment, he thought it might be okay. His stomach ceased churning, he felt himself almost relax under the touch of his elder. This was nothing, maybe he was just overreacting. Maybe all of this had been a sudden outburst of words that had meant nothing.

The power of Chanyeol’s nickname for him had been underestimated until then.

“Baek…”

It made him weak at the knees, the kitchen sink not even able to support him now. He wasn’t okay, he was in too far deep now to just sacrifice it for the sake of his career and what the media thought of him. He didn’t care, he couldn’t find a fibre in his body that cared.

Chanyeol was his. He was Chanyeol’s.

He turned in the grasp quickly, causing Chanyeol to pull back and look up at him, a face of empathy or sorrow painted across his delicate features. His dongsaeng still looked sleepy, but definitely displayed more emotion now than before. It was a knowing, painful look.

Baekhyun couldn’t bare to look at such an expression.

He gently, more gently than what he felt inside, moved Chanyeol’s hands from his waist. Those hands were warm and inviting and Baekhyun had to will every cell in his deluded and love drunk body that those hands were not supposed to be held by him. He wasn’t supposed to feel this strongly about Chanyeol, he wasn’t supposed to feel an overwhelming urge to curl up to his best friend every night. It wasn’t natural, he wasn’t in his right mind.

He could hear the rain now, it was bouncing off of the roof of their dorms, hitting with such force that it rebounded. The rush of the wind was overpowering, the brittle cold from its gail somehow finding its way through a draft in the windows, whipping every nip and exposure of skin that was on display with its icy feeling.

Baekhyun walked passed Chanyeol, his feet relying on knowledge of the dorm to guide him through the house in the pitch darkness.

His dongsaeng didn’t say anything as he left, but as Baekhyun brushed by his shoulder, he felt the held back sigh that Chanyeol had concealed fan against his chilled skin. It was warm, just like everything else his elder did and had. It held a distant promise of security that Baekhyun could not have. It held every tension Baekhyun and Chanyeol had just felt and, most importantly, it held the spark that ‘the fans would have blown out of proportion’.

Neither Baekhyun nor Chanyeol slept peacefully that night.

-

The relatively uncomfortable chair by the window was occupied by Baekhyun, his index finger and his middle finger drawing the curtains back ever so slightly to peek apprehensively outside.

In precisely 32 minutes and 9 seconds a storm would be hitting the city of Hong Kong and breaking the record books. This particular weather phenomenon was forecasted to be the worst storm in over 45 years, and Baekhyun was going to be in the thick of it. And, possibly even worse, he was in a hotel room on his own, surrounded by unfamiliar furniture and an uncomfortable feeling of being out of place.

The award show they had attended that night had been the purpose behind the visit to China. It had been a night of performances and receiving well-earned rewards. It had also meant a performance by their group.

Baekhyun had been anything far beyond cool and collected for such a performance. He had been stressing about it for weeks, his skin had even had an epidemic of acne due to his break down. Thousands of artists, all Korean, Japanese and Chinese, possibly even future employment, had all been gathered in one hall, watching his every dance move on stage. It was clear to see why he had not been thrilled with the idea of performing.

It also didn’t help that in practices only some days before they were due to fly out to Hong Kong, Baekhyun had injured his ankle in a small accident.

He had been pushing himself past his own personal limits during a dance one to one session with Jongdae, he was willing himself to try and achieve even more than what he could only just surpass at his best. Jongdae, who had been watching the event as it happened and was unfortunately the one that had spent several hours in accident and emergency with Baekhyun, had repeatedly told him not to push himself to the heights he seemed to be going for.

Being the particularly stubborn bratty kid Baekhyun had a habit of being, he had caused himself a minor, yet particularly painful, injury to the ankle.

When debating why he had been so determined to beat his own standards, Baekhyun figured it was down to Chanyeol. It wasn’t directly his dongsaeng’s fault, but everything that had welled up inside Baekhyun that night in the kitchen had seemed to drive him with anger. His quiet personality had ended with him taking that anger out on himself.

The ‘discussion’ that their manager had with the other was anything far from friendly and calm. Their manager had placed an enormous amount of blame on Baekhyun, causing him to feel even more guilty and infested with self-hatred than he already was. Although the talk had not meant to induce guilt but was simply a disciplinary practice, it had certainly had the enormous effect of disappointment within the young boy.

Baekhyun was sensitive to criticism, although he’d never admit it.

Lord knows how long he would keep up his strong boy facade.

As a result of it, the performance had not been as fluid as he would have liked. Baekhyun noticed shortly after the performance when he looked at a recently posted fan cam, that his movements looked particularly stiff and jagged. He was in time with the rest of his members but from the look on his face while dancing, replacing the usual sensual and inviting expression, was that of visible pain.

He’d also never admit that he almost cried while watching the performance back when he had returned to the hotel, his foot bandaged sufficiently well.

He had let his members down due to his own selfishness; his own need and thirst to succeed. He has asked for too much all in one go and he had paid the price of his actions.

He considered the effects of the damage done as soon as the lights had gone down on stage, feeling the throbbing ache of guilt and disappointment in both his ankle and his stomach. He considered the damage all too briefly and began to think it might go unnoticed as none of them spoke to him while they returned to the dressing rooms behind stage, getting ready to change back into formal outfits to blend in with the other guests at the awards evening.

He couldn’t have been more mistaken.

Kyungsoo and Jongdae had made a fuss of changing Baekhyun’s bandages as soon as the door had closed behind them, away from prying eyes and nosy onlookers in the corridors. Baekhyun recalled not even being properly sat down before Jongdae had started pulling Baekhyun’s black socks away from his feet, his dancing shoes’ laces pulled away in one swift tug.

Sehun had sat on the floor next to Baekhyun, lifting the younger’s feet to place them on Junmyeon's lap who was coincidentally sat opposite and already on standby.

Junmyeon had insisted Baekhyun drink some water before returning to the eyes of the media and fans outside in the venue. According to Junmyeon, Baekhyun apparently looked “-like he was at death’s door.”

What could be more reassuring than hearing that?

Even though they had all returned from the venue after the awards ceremony about 4 hours ago, Baekhyun was still in his suit and bowtie, his dress shoes still on and laced up, one looking particularly more full than the other as it attempted to conceal all of the bandages around a badly damaged ankle.

The leather looked stretched and Baekhyun was almost certain he would have to buy a new pair of dress shoes after this. His wallet was already crying as it was, health care was not free after all and he wasn’t sure if it was covered in his SM contract.

The injury seemed to hurt more the more he thought about it, so as a quick distraction, he carried on looking outside. It was almost as if Baekhyun was waiting for the storm to come, as if he needed it here already so he could feel even more sorry for himself. Either self-pity was the answer or he just needed an excuse to talk to Chanyeol, at least rain had brought him that luxury no matter how briefly it had lasted.

Chanyeol.

When every member had been making a fuss over Baekhyun, Chanyeol had been stood behind his chair. The younger remembered it clearly, despite being more concerned at the time with the pain in his foot. He remembered one of Chanyeol’s hands smoothing his hair down, another caressing his suit-clad arms.

Baekhyun had briefly turned around to see his dongsaeng’s face and was shocked to see Chanyeol’s expression slightly contorted. Chanyeol’s face was deadpanned and not giving away much, yet his eyes almost gave the game away completely. They were glassy, shimmering under the harsh lighting of the strip lights, alive with compassion and care.

Chanyeol didn’t want to care about Baekhyun in the compassionate and romantic way that he did, but he did care regardless of how hard he tried against it. If anything, secluding Baekhyun as something that was ‘off-limits’ only made him even more desirable to the elder.

In the moment, as ridiculous as it sounded, Baekhyun almost felt a sliver of hope. Chanyeol clearly still cared about him, that element of their relationship- whether platonic or undeniably romantic- was still alive and beating.

The clouds outside were swelling, the essences of a storm being blown over the rooftops of the hotel. Any moment now the clouds would crack open, revealing the heavens and raining down its own natural beauty.

Baekhyun couldn’t keep still to save his life.

His legs were crossing and uncrossing, big feet tapping lightly on the carpet, long slim fingers tapped nervously against the material of the curtain as he held it back. As he moved the pencil on the nearby coffee table for the 50th time he realized that he should probably sit on his hands or something.

The rain wasn’t even here yet however Baekhyun had already started going into his overthinking stage.

His thoughts, the putrid and seemingly relentless bitter ones, were already proceeding to gnaw away at his stomach. He felt hollow again, just like he did every other time the weather turned sour. His hand moved away from the curtain to cautiously cradle his stomach, although he knew full well the painful feeling was just psychological.

All he could do was think, he had no distractions after all. His phone was dead and the storm had temporarily knocked off the hotel Wi-Fi in the event of a power surge with the expected lightning. It would be a miracle if their flight out of China tomorrow actually took off.

After a moment of complete silence, Baekhyun could just about hear the slight pitter-patter on the window frames.

He took a deep breath.

The wind was picking up almost immediately.

Even though the full effect of the storm could not be felt from inside where Baekhyun was sat, his hands were still gripping the chair with a white knuckle grip. He was rooted to the spot, driven by anger and self-hatred.

Whether it was intended or whether it was the inner workings of his mind, Baekhyun realized he had begun to lift his knees up, hugging them like a child against his chest. It wasn’t all that comfortable, but it made him feel safer.

There was so much Baekhyun could not say to Chanyeol, so much he needed to say to him. Yet, when presented with an opportunity, the youngest didn’t have the guts or the balls to speak his mind.

He never did.

He was empty, or at least that’s what it felt like.

He had found the particularly hollow feeling in his gut which had apparently made itself permanent not long after an agreement had been made with Chanyeol. Chanyeol had told Baekhyun it was probably best if the other were no longer allowed to curl up to him.

Chanyeol’s outburst with Baekhyun had been all too sudden and abrupt, it was completely out of sorts for Chanyeol to act that way at all. The elder had a terrible habit of hiding things from people who deserved to know, he was too nice to share news that would hurt others, which is partly why it surprised Baekhyun so much that his dongsaeng had burst out on him like that.

Baekhyun could see liars almost instantaneously, especially when he knew Chanyeol to the extent that he did.

The rain, as always, had started to make him feel sleepy but also anxious. It held those thoughts that a tough guy (such as himself) could not handle, those with the strongest psychological abilities could break down in its wake.

Did it make Baekhyun weak?

Absolutely.

But he’d rather be weak than not mope about Park Chanyeol at all.

At least Park Chanyeol was worth being weak over.

For the moment though, he thought it was better to not think about the subject at all.

Baekhyun’s eyes scanned the room.

It was bare, a pretty average modern contemporary room which held some rather intriguing artwork. The only familiar thing appearing to be his luggage. As his eyes moved, Baekhyun found that the bed in the center of the room appeared to be more and more appealing.

His bones were aching, everything inside him screaming out in exhaustion. He considered the probability of sleep. He probably wouldn’t be getting any, but at least his body would be resting.

Hauling himself to his feet, he unlaced his dress shoes and discarded his suit jacket and unbuttoned his white shirt. The bow tie was forgotten and launched over his shoulder. Next came his suit pants until he was left in nothing but an open shirt and his comfortable Calvin Klein’s.

He didn’t sleep well, but it was better than watching the storm.

It was only a couple of hours later when Baekhyun woke up again. Thunder rattled throughout the room, shaking down to his bones. His body was tense and curled up, protecting itself from the threat of mother nature.

Surprisingly, Baekhyun did not feel the anxious onslaught he usually felt when the rain started, but instead the hollowing feeling had been made apparent in his stomach once again. He didn’t feel anything.

And he wondered if that was all Park Chanyeol’s fault that he was no longer scared.

He may not have been scared, but he wasn’t at ease either.

His eyes were closed for some time, but no sleep came to him.

He lay awake, his eyebrows knitted together in uncertainty. No part of his body felt anything. And he wasn’t entirely sure which he preferred when looking back in the wake of what he had had.

Silence was interrupted frequently in the occupied room. The claps of thunder and strikes of lightning pierced Baekhyun’s ability to get at least an extra hour of sleep in his schedule before the sun rose.

What Baekhyun was not expecting as he lay there, his mind screaming with words he could not say to the right person who did not want him, was a light and ever so gentle knock at the door just after a clap of ear piercing thunder.

At first he thought he had imagined or misheard, so did not go and check his guest.

He was slipping in and out of consciousness, unable to focus on anything for more than a few seconds.

There was a longer pause between the thunder claps and the lightning strikes this time, it seemed dragged out and purposeful, possibly even peaceful.

There may have been another knock at the door, Baekhyun wasn’t any sure about this knock than he had been about the first.

He rolled over lazily, his body now directly in the middle of the king sized bed. The other was still curled in on himself, his arms folded tightly across his chest and his back hunched over. He really was sleepy, yet anticipating the next thunder clap. He lay there, soundless.

Evidently, it seemed Baekhyun did not need to go and check who was at the door after all. The hotel door opened noiselessly, the figure of a boy letting himself in and carefully shutting the door behind him could not be seen in the semi-darkness.

Baekhyun was wrapped in the uncomfortably thin sheets in an attempt to keep his warmth in. It wasn’t warm like Chanyeol was, but then again, Baekhyun could tell that was a different kind of warmth.

The boy who had slipped in effortlessly and undetected shuffled further into the main body of the hotel room. It was darker than it usually would have been in the room because of the weather outside, so not only did the intruder go unheard by the only occupant in the room, he was unseen too.

As Baekhyun lay there in silence, he felt sleep tugging impatiently at the fragments of his consciousness, willing him to truly drift away. He should have been pleased about it; that the rain no longer bothered his sleeping pattern.

Unfortunately, it had an opposite effect. He hated it, he hated that he felt nothing inside. He felt emotionless and lost in that big and mostly empty bed.  
The boy was apprehensively moving closer towards the center of the room. Should one look closer, you could see he was trembling. His limbs were slightly shaking and, had there been a light on, anyone could see he was wide-eyed and petrified.

The intruder neared the bed, standing next to the bottom left-hand corner awkwardly not knowing what to do next.

Baekhyun unknowingly turned over in the direction that the boy was standing. He did not open his eyes and therefore did not know anyone was there.

In a couple of moments, Baekhyun realized he’d probably be asleep, and he couldn’t wait for those moments to come fast enough. At least then he wouldn’t have to worry about this emotional numbness that had suddenly been thrust upon him.

The boy at the end of the bed pulled at his sleeves, the ends threadbare and ragged. He wore a worn sweater and comfortable sweatpants, looking smaller than he first appeared to be. One thing Baekhyun would have immediately noticed would be the boy’s sweater paws, the ends of his jumper sleeves so long they only showed the tips of his long fingers.

The boy precautiously, and with so much delicacy, perched himself on the end of the bed. Baekhyun’s foot was simply inches away from the hand which was keeping the intruder upright. One simple twitch would have given him away,

Baekhyun didn’t move, he was almost oblivious.

He was almost trapped in his mind, thinking the same unoriginal chant over and over again, as if the idea of him drilling words of ‘wisdom’ into his head would improve his standpoint with a certain band member.

‘Think of your career, they wouldn’t understand, think of your career, they wouldn’t understand, think of your career, they wouldn’t understand…’

The boy at the end of the bed, without thinking about what he was doing and relying on utter instinct to move his body, shuffled further up the bed until he wasn’t far from Baekhyun’s outstretched arm.

“You’re asleep.”

It wasn’t even a whisper, somewhere between an outtake of breath and a sigh of disappointment. Baekhyun, although floating in and out of consciousness, could be sure he definitely heard something this time.

His ears picked up, his senses awakening in a sleepy fashion.  
“I didn’t know what to expect.” There was a brief pause like the boy really was considering what he had expected. The sound of thunder was still present, it just wasn’t as loud. “I thought you would have been awake, because of the storm.”

Baekhyun’s body tensed, he knew who was in the room with him now. He made no attempt to move away but instead listened on, wondering what the intruder was going to say.

“I also thought that you’d…be thinking about what I’d said the other night.”

He sounded bashful and embarrassed. His voice so low that due to the thunder, Baekhyun had to clarify every word in his head before processing what it meant.

Undoubtedly, Baekhyun was wide awake now.

Baekhyun had been thinking about what had been said. He hadn’t stopped thinking about it.

The words wanted to jump out of his throat but no sound came out.

“And-”

Baekhyun felt a warm palm press into his own, equally as warm fingers lacing through his splayed hand and holding it there almost as a sign of comfort and support.

There was an audible swallow, and when the boy spoke next, Baekhyun felt his heart clench.

“I’m sorry, Baek.”

The boy was getting more emotional, his tone becoming thicker.

"Who would have guessed that I would end up being the one affected by rain? I can't sleep, Baekhyun. I keep thinking about what I'm doing wrong and why I can't let myself care for you without a sense of guiltiness. What am I doing wrong? Baek...I'm sorry."

The boy’s voice was undeniably shaky, the word to send him off the edge seemed to be his pet name for Baekhyun. Baekhyun, having his eyes closed and pretending to stay silent, could only wait for a sign that the boy felt something other than sympathy for Baekhyun and not with him instead.

It may not have been much, but Baekhyun heard the distinct sound of muffled sniffles from just beside him on the bed.

The other decided that was enough. His heart couldn’t bare to hear the crying.

Baekhyun sat up quickly, his hands scrambling around in the bedsheets to reach him as soon as possible. He looked frantic, a desperate ball of emotion and passion that he had kept quiet for too long. The words which had been swallowed down were building up, Baekhyun could barely contain himself.

The boy met his hands, trying to touch every exposed inch of Baekhyun’s skin as he could manage.

Baekhyun found the boy’s undeniably sharp hips and pulled them immediately closer, the boy falling ungracefully onto Baekhyun’s chest as the other fell back. The boy rolled onto Baekhyun’s side, their chests pressed together and their legs entwined, the only thing between them was the bed covers.

They were so close, both boys feeling the breath evenly fanning one another’s faces. It was heavy panting out of the sudden desperation that they both had experienced. It was still ongoing.

Baekhyun reached up, both his palms either side of the other boy’s face, his thumbs stroking away the tears that lay there. The boy was warm, just like he always was.

“Chanyeol…”

Baekhyun’s own voice was shaky, his whole body was tense. He couldn’t control himself, his brain was still chanting the same thing over and over again- ‘Think of your career, they wouldn’t understand, think of your career, they wouldn’t understand, think of your career, they wouldn’t understand…’

His eyes were fully open, staring right into a pair of eyes he knew all too well. They were glassy and shiny, he suspected his were in a similar state.

Chanyeol looked equally as desperate and suddenly overwhelmed by adoration.

And he suddenly found himself thinking-

‘Who cares if they don’t understand’

Their noses were touching, both of them reveling in the feeling of being so close to each other after so long of being apart.

“Baekhyun…” Chanyeol’s voice was thick with tears and his body was tense as Baekhyun held him, not even thinking about letting go anytime soon.

Baekhyun opened his mouth to reply, but only came back with no sound. Chanyeol cut him off with his own hands pushing the other even closer to his own body, the movement so gentle yet so needy at the same time.

“I think I’m in lo-”

Baekhyun’s body had taken over, already rushing forwards.

Chanyeol’s lips were possibly the warmest and softest part about him, Baekhyun decided in that split moment that they were his favorite.  
The kiss had been forceful in their heated moment of desperation, but it did not take away its beauty, not even in the slightest. They fitted perfectly against each other, Chanyeol’s pillowy lips and sweet apple like taste causing Baekhyun to hum contentedly into the kiss.

Before today he had not considered how amazing Chanyeol was at kissing, it left him needing more and more, like an addict who didn’t know when to stop.

They kissed one another fervently, just softly at first, and then with a swift gradation of intensity that made Chanyeol cling to Baekhyun as if he were the only solid thing in a dizzy swaying world. Baekhyun’s insistent mouth was parting his shaking lips, sending wild tremors along his nerves, evoking sensations he had never known he was capable of feeling.

They didn’t know how long it had actually lasted until they pulled away, both panting heavily.

They stayed still, neither of them knowing what to do with themselves. So instead they just lay there, just looking at each other.

Chanyeol tipped his head forwards, just touching Baekhyun’s own.

“I was going to say I love you, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol smiled breathlessly, his lips still brushing over the other’s.

Baekhyun whispered lightly and hazy, sleep now feeling more and more welcoming that Chanyeol was by his side. “I love you too, Chanyeol.”

And, as they both felt sleep effortlessly consuming them, they listened to the fading soundtrack of the rain outside.

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you thought! I'm always looking for feedback and ways for me to improve. If you liked something, tell me in the comments <3 Thank you for reading!


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